


The Swan (Le Cygne)

by penultimateaxis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Drama & Romance, Fanart, Human Castiel, Inspired by Fanart, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 00:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2793491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penultimateaxis/pseuds/penultimateaxis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Destiel relationship. Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester meet in Anna Milton’s engagement party after two years of separation and soul-searching. They are fine adults so meeting like this shouldn't affect their current lives. No, they are better than that. Perhaps they could be civil. Perhaps they could be friends again. Perhaps there is nothing there. This is what Castiel thinks.<br/>But their feelings never died. It must have been asleep this whole time. Involuntarily breathing while they were apart. An ugly past that they cherish could awaken into something beautiful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Swan (Le Cygne)

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to give this another chapter...or two or three

Heavenly ceiling and a room full of powerful gods and goddesses wearing the finest attire for the most illustrious occasion. Anna Milton, Castiel Novak’s half-sister is engaged to his dear friend: Ezekiel Hart. This was a night to celebrate- to indulge in a sea of vanity and caprice. Small talk drowned mouths and the alcohol was distributed by fancy butlers with silver watches and shining black shoes. Walking penguins if you ask Castiel. Just like everything in the room, they were all mortals flashing themselves as deities on earth. Honestly, the years have not taught resilience to Castiel. But he was still there. Still standing and avoiding conversation as much as possible. If only he could bring his partner. Then his night could be satisfied.

Except he did not.

Actually he could not. Balthazar Spencer was a busy man and a passionate curator. If his sibling’s engagement were appointed in another night then Castiel would have his lover- no his partner, Balthazar beside him. To keep him company and converse in the many laughable or entertaining moments that they have had over the past two years. Perhaps more, if including the time before they established an official label to their bond.  
The night air wearies Castiel but if he could remain and save his sister from explaining a supposed early retirement then he could be at ease. Another sip from his diamond encrusted glass and it finally hit him that the event has become more of a chore than a celebration.

“Cas.”

Perhaps he thought too soon.

There he was. A picture. In black. Charisma oozing from top to bottom. Magnanimous green eyes reveal a flickering soul wrapped in the handsomest perfection. Dean Winchester. In a tuxedo. Just like Castiel. Of course his sister invited him. After all, the once mechanic that smelt like grease and manly sweat had a connection with Anna. Regardless of its brevity. But to Castiel it is different because this was the man that has left such a wide gap in his life. He could not simply turn away and go. Not even if he wanted to. Not even if he could. For how could he? There is not a person alive that has ripped their soul out of their being. He was not about to perform a miracle. Worse, it would be a curse if he could pull it off. A worthless effort to extract himself from staring back at the man he used to love.

“Hello Dean.”

Spectacular, as the room’s existence disappear from his notice. Complete and utter oblivious to its habitants with an exception to one man. Dean Winchester. Walking towards him, without a care to anyone else.

“I was invited by Anna to attend the event. I didn’t think that I would bump into you here. Actually ignore that- I knew that you would be here it’s just that I didn’t think that I would be able to see you. And I-,” Castiel could see red emerging between Dean’s freckles as he listens to a poorly constructed excuse which he secretly enjoys hearing. “It’s been a while…”

Oh how Dean looks at him.

“Yes it has been a while, quite a while. How have you been, Dean?” Castiel could at least act civil. It is a personal promise that he made for himself just then.

“I’ve been alright. Two and a half years is pretty long but you look as good-looking as ever- I mean, the night is turning out better than I expected.” Poor Dean who is much redder than before.

“Yes it has somehow changed from what it was a few moments ago. And thank you for the compliment.” Denying that he did not hear what Dean said about him would be quite rude.

“Could we speak somewhere more private? Or at least less crowded?” Dean looks around and stops to face the open balcony. “How about over there?”

“With pleasure.”

- 

Oh how the night outside lived while they were inside. Castiel could almost feel regret. Because being exposed to its beauty was breathtaking indeed. But not as great as Dean’s presence beside him. Such complexion under the moonlight. Divine.

“So Anna and Ezekiel are getting hitched. About time.” Dean stares at the garden, spread below the balcony.

“Yes it is good. I am happy for them. They have my blessings although she is older than me. I guess I simply wish them the best. For their future together.” A smile and an exhale emerges from Dean’s face.

“Lucky for them.” He says.

“That is right.” Castiel adds.

“How have you been Cas?” Dean asks.

 “I have been well, I am enjoying my occupation as a university professor in the arts. It is a stark contrast to being an agent of the family company. I get to write and indulge in historical and literary research.”

“You can draw, write and play music again.” Dean points out concisely.

“Yes, more than ever.” Even if it is not an answer to a question, it certainly felt like it was.

“That’s good.”

The breeze is warm. Zephyrus brushes the surface of their skins and hairs with his warm breathe.

“Did you come here by yourself or were you with someone?” Dean asks and it could possibly be the hardest question of the night.

“Yes, I came here alone but-,” Castiel pauses. “I was supposed to be accompanied by someone. Balthazar. You remember him, don’t you Dean?”

“Yeah I do. How could I forget? That guy has been pining for you longer than I could remember.” He seemed hurt but Castiel doesn’t know how to console him. Not as he used to.

“But you were the same.” If only Castiel could pull the works back.

“Yeah I was.” There was something that Dean wanted to add. Luckily for Castiel he didn’t. Perhaps he is disappointed that Dean didn’t.

“Well it is a thing of the past. We’ve moved past it.” He tries a smile at least. To ease the crumpled expression on Dean’s face.

“Do you remember them, Cas?” Oh how Castiel did.

“How couldn’t I? We were always together in experiencing everything. When I couldn’t find my father, you were there. When you visited your mother’s grave once every year- I was there. Sam’s graduation, his engagement with Jess. Their wedding. My siblings, they were there too. The same when you and Sam were there when Gabriel married Kali. Losing jobs, losing family, losing friends. You were there beside me Dean. Every precious and delicate moment.” Castiel could not help stare into the garden’s splendour while the memories rush to his mind. Every single image was as clear as day. With Dean in every single one of them.

“I’ve been thinking about them too. A lot lately.” Trying not to indulge in Dean’s words, Castiel clears his throat. Staring at his eyes for too long had always been his habit. A guilty pleasure if he may add. Perhaps it still is. “So you and Balthazar… finally got together. About time I should say.”  
Once upon a time, that is what everyone said about him and Dean. Just then, he knew, deep down that it wasn’t Dean’s most confident statement. Probably never will be.

“Yes. It is.” Another pause. Castiel is struggling to keep his thoughts together and it is not because of the alcohol. No. it was definitely because of Dean’s presence. It has been far too long but Castiel would not let their conversation descend into small talk. Not like this. Shame on him if that ever happens. “How about you Dean? Have you been seeing anyone? Any secret relationship that I should know about?” Castiel smiles but how the words betray him tonight. Whatever Dean answers will surely backfire at him. One way or another.

“No. I haven’t.” he pauses at first to look away then returns back to Castiel. “I tried but I couldn’t. I just- couldn’t move on. Not after everything with you.” And there it was. Castiel was probably Karma’s ex-lover and it was punishing him tonight. As if Dean’s presence wasn’t enough emotional punishment for him. It was not Dean’s fault. None of it was except his.

“If any consolation. I did not become Balthazar’s partner after half a year. I was incoherent. Incorrigible at best. But Balthazar took care of me even when I didn’t ask for it. He was- It was-,” Castiel can’t help feel like he is digging himself a bottomless pit. “You were gone and I couldn’t get to you.”

“Yeah that was my fault. I know it was. I’ve been beating myself up ever since.” If only Dean did not say that. It was too unfair. “I tried. I really did. I went back to Lisa after a year of not wanting anyone to get involved with me. But she couldn’t surpass the one person I measure everyone against.” Judging from Dean’s romantic relationships with women, Castiel could only think of Lisa or Cassie that fit the criteria. So he chuckles to himself. After all this time he was still jealous of them.

“You.” Dean whispers.

He missed a step.

“What?” Castiel must’ve missed something while recollecting Dean’s numerous love affairs.

“I said that Lisa and pretty much anyone for that matter, couldn’t replace you. The one person that I measure everyone against. The only one. Do you understand Cas?” Dean finished answering a question with another question but that is not the point.

“Don’t say that.” It was the first thing that Castiel could reply.

“It’s the truth, Cas.” Even now, Castiel still tingles whenever Dean calls him by his nickname.

“Please don’t say that Dean. Because the thing is. You’ve been the man in mine.” It was also the truth. Though it pains Castiel. He really shouldn’t have come tonight. To make matters worse, Dean smiles. So bright from the light beaming in the room. But as soon as it touches moonlight. It was still wonderful. Still perfect.

“You wanna know another truth?” Dean asks.

“What is it?” Cas’ mouth involuntarily speaks for him.

“It may have taken this long. Hell I might even be too late but I still- I still love you Cas. I always have and always will.” Dean leans forward to capture Cas’ lips using his. It is soft, warm and overwhelmingly shocking. Castiel’s eyes shoot wide open at first- indecisive. Then like everything else that has happened tonight. His body betrays him. His chest, his eyes and lips betray him. They do not retract but instead they stay there. Connected to Dean. His soul was under a curse by some vengeful god from above that flies around. With feathery wings and equipped with bow and arrows. The arrows must’ve grazed him while he wasn’t looking. But as Dean presses deeper, Castiel’s insides flutter. Indicating that this vengeful god must’ve shot him a few times. Straight to the heart. Because aside from Dean’s lips, it was the warmest part of his body.  
He needs to wake up from the curse.

“C-Cas.” Not this time. Dean Winchester will not enthral Castiel with his own name. The way he says his name with one syllable. The way he looks at him. Not again. Not ever. It was unfair.

“Stay back Dean!” Cas covers his lips with his left arm and takes a step back. Just one but it hurt. Not from performing the step but from returning to reality.

“I’m sorr-,”

“How could you Dean? How could you! After all this time! You don’t get to see me tonight then take me out here and kiss me! This is wrong Dean! It is unfair!” He should not cry. Not with Dean in front of him. It will only deepen the injustice.

“Cas.” Please not that name again. “I’m sorry. I really am but when I knew that you were coming tonight, I had to see you. I just had to. At first I just wanted to clear things up so we didn’t have to walk around each other. But then I saw you for the first time in so long. Properly at least. And I just couldn’t- I didn’t want to let you go again.” Dean tries leaning forward but Cas takes another step back.

“You can’t just do this Dean! You can’t just reclaim me simply because Balthazar is not here. I am in a relationship Dean! I moved on. How could you!” This time Castiel lowers his arm but fists are rolled to his sides.

“I knew you were with Balthazar but Cas I was telling the truth when I said that I never stopped loving you! I know I messed up and it took so fucking long for me to realize what I did. I realize what a fucking idiot I was for losing you!”

“No Dean! You don’t. Because if you did then you would never have let go of me in the first place. You remember what you said to me? You said that you don’t deserve someone like me and that I am wasting my time. You said that it wasn’t gonna last and that you were fooling yourself to think that I would stay with you. That you deserved to be happy. You left me Dean. You had to find out what a life without me would be like. Because you thought that it was the truth. The ugly truth. And you wanted to embrace it instead of me. Your insecurity mattered more than I did. So you left me. You. Left. Me. I didn’t even get a chance to have say in it. You just disappeared. Nobody could find you until Sam fessed up that you didn’t want to be found. Found by me. When I learned that, I crumbled. I wanted to die. But Balthazar was there. Everyone else was there. Except you. And now you’re here to apologize and take me back. You can’t do that Dean!” Since when did the warm zephyr breeze become choking in ones lungs? It was certainly having that effect on Castiel.

“You’re right. It ain’t right. I know it ain’t right. I was so happy. More happy than I have ever been in my life that I got scared. So scared to think that it was impossible. For something so good and so perfect to happen to me. But I’ve had a real long time thinking about it. And I know it’s wrong for doing this to you tonight but I’ve spoken to everyone. I’ve met with every single one of them. From our lives Cas. And they all said the same thing. ‘Take him back.’ It’s not about proving if I deserve you Cas. Because we went down that road before and I screwed it up. No. not this time. This time, it’s not about proving anything. I love you Cas and I want to be with you. That is the only right thing that I can depend in here.” Dean points to his chest. “Things got ugly between us but after everything that has happened. I could still feel it from you Cas. From that kiss. From tonight. Everything. Just being with you. To me, it makes up for all the shit that has happened over the years.”

“Not to me.” At least Castiel’s voice has lowered.

“No. You felt it too. I’m doing this tonight because this time, I am sure. No insecurity and no doubt will hold me back from letting you know the truth. I love you Cas and I’ve told you. I’ve shown you. I want you. That is all. Two years of not having you is nothing compared to forever. If I wouldn’t have you by my side forever.” Dean slams his fist to the marble ledge of the balcony.  
Castiel has stopped crying now. He couldn’t anymore. Out of all the tears that he has shed in his life, most of it was for Dean. Was because of Dean. But then again. The same applied to the opposite. He smiled just as much. Perhaps more.

“Dean.”

No matter what Castiel does or how hard he tries, Dean would always find a way to make him surrender his pride. After all this time the stars could not change their constellations even if they wanted to. Just like Castiel’s love for Dean. Unending. Undying.

“I love you too. Always have and always will.”  
Just like that, Dean Winchester wraps Castiel in his arms. Tightly and firmly. Still trying to realize the truth, still trying to grasp the fact that he’s come full circle again. Back into the arms of the one he loves the most. As cheesy and inappropriate as it was. Even if it was unfair to Balthazar and compliant to everyone’s wishes from what Dean said. It is the truth and what is right.  
Perhaps they have spoken too much over the years. Together or apart. Because Castiel and Dean just held each other in silence. Just sharing the warmth and the presence of the other. Castiel certainly missed the feeling of having Dean so close. After so long and no matter what, it was still familiar to his entire being. Having Dean beside him.

“I don’t know what to do, Dean. About Balthazar and I…” it is a chilling sense. Betraying Balthazar.

“I’ve spoken to him before tonight actually.” Dean looks at Cas while his arm tightens.

“W-What? How?” Castiel doesn’t know whether to be shocked, afraid or just simply petrified.

“I said that I spoke to everyone didn’t I? I visited Balthazar as soon as I got Anna’s invitation to her engagement party. I knew you were gonna be there. As soon as I approached him, he knew what my intentions were. He was pissed at first and I couldn’t blame him. But he said that he had been expecting me to come around for some time now. ‘It was only a matter of time before you take Castiel back for good,’ was what he said. Almost the same words that everyone said to me. Balthazar said that he would break it off if it works out between us tonight. I guess I owe you an apology for talking behind your back. Actually I owe you more than that.” Castiel is just shocked now. Balthazar and Dean set everything up but rather than feeling upset he was relieved. It sounds heartless but he and Balthazar has been distant for some time now. Balthazar was after all a busy man, with enough time to see Dean without telling Castiel.

“It is fine Dean. Everything is fine.” Honestly, it was the first thing that occurred in his thoughts.

“Now it is. You’re here with me. Finally. I’m never letting go.” Dean squeezes his arm tighter on Castiel’s side. His other hand entangles with Castiel’s and they just stand there. Leaning at each other. Side by side. Watching the night under the moonlight. Castiel wants to kiss Dean and he knew that Dean would like one too. After all this time, they can share more moments like these. More precious and delicate moments to add in their memory bank. Also more kisses to prove that they are in love. For he is certain that it is more beautiful than the night could ever dream of.

…

To Dean, having Castiel in his arms again was heavenly. There was something familiar about Castiel’s presence that night. Although he desires to start anew with the man of his dreams, he couldn’t help but recognize something so perfect about Cas. He tried to realize it. To name it deep in his thoughts, in his heart but he couldn’t point it out. Not until he looked at Cas. To remind him that Cas is there and he was his. Because at that moment when Dean looked at Cas, he could see it. Beautiful. Transparent wings. Spread around him and Cas, moving as the night breeze pass through. Feathers fluttering softly. A sight to behold, one that took Dean’s breathe away.

“Dean?” Castiel asks, noticing his drawn out gaze. Dean snaps out of it. Then the wings weren’t there anymore. Disillusioned by the night sky.

“It’s nothing Cas. You’re beautiful.” He kisses Cas’ forehead.

“I thought you said men don’t call other men ‘beautiful’?” Cas grins.

“No. you are not like other men. You are beautiful Cas.” Another kiss.

“You’re beautiful too Dean.” This time the kiss is on their lips.

But Cas doesn’t know what Dean meant. He didn’t see what Dean just saw. At that very moment and onwards, heaven was at a loss again. For Dean Winchester has an angel wrapped in his arms. And he has no intention in returning him, ever. Never again. Because Castiel is and will always be by his side. Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to the classical music "The Swan (Le Cygne)"


End file.
